Daddy's home! How was your day?

I've learned over about 8 years of marriage that this phrase means very different things to men and women. Or at least to Chris and me. The conversation generally goes something like this:

Chris: Daddy's home! How was your day?
Kevin: Fine.
Chris: What happened?
Kevin: Nothing.
Chris: Nothing happened?
Kevin: We went to lunch and I sent some email and talked to Rich.
Chris: Well, what about Pete, Jeremy, Robert and Dan?
Kevin: They're good.
Chris: Did you talk to them?
Kevin: Yes.
Chris: What did you talk about?
Kevin: Nothing much.
Chris: Did you talk to Pete?
Kevin: Yes.

.... and on and on... until later...

Kevin (on phone): Hey Dan, how are you?
Dan: Good.
Kevin: So I can't believe you got a bonus check today for being awesome!
Chris: What? Dan got a bonus check?
Kevin: Yes, he got it today for being awesome.
Chris: Well why didn't you TELL me that? That's important!

So my point is that when Chris asks me about my day, I give her the answer. Short, overall, in a neat little package. "Fine." So she probes and probes. And it turns out she wants details! This happens all the time, yet I've never been able to get it through my thick head. Sometimes I even think I'm giving details, but I'm not.

Am I alone, or is this a guy thing?

Intimacy and Oreos

People at church don't like to say SEX. They say intimacy or marital intimacy instead.

What does this have to do with anything? How about the BEST FAMILY TRADITION EVER?

I've heard women complain that men like to go to sleep after "intimacy". Never been my thing. Well, our new tradition with all that extra energy? I head to the store and buy 2 packages of Oreos and we scarf it down. Regular for me, Double Stuf for Chris.

Yum!

In Praise of the SAHM

Awhile ago I wrote a lighting-rod post that sent most of the world atwitter about my vision for Samantha's future.

In light of the responses from my friends and family, all of whom are stay at home moms (I know men read this blog. Where are your replies?), I've had many experiences that make me very grateful for what they do. Both growing up and now.

My mom's favorite job was and is being a mother to her children. Due to how much care I required as a child, I don't expect my life would have turned out the same if she had not stayed at home to look after me. I was born with a moderate case of what is called Goldenhar Syndrome. In my case, it caused the soft palate of my mouth not to form completely, caused dermoids in my left eye as well as my left eyelid not forming correctly. It caused other issues that are becoming more of a problem now like an extra pie-shaped vertibrae wedge crammed in my neck that causes scoliosis. But as a baby and most of growig up, my back was the least of the worry. Due to the soft palate, feeding me was a chore and took a long time. It was also very uncomfortable. My mom spend a huge amount of her time just feeding me (you moms know it seems like your always feeding your baby as it is.) And keeping my eye lubricated until I had surgeries to make a soft palate in my throat and reform my eyelid. With this done, I could eat and blink, but still had many surgeries and doctors appointments up until I finished high school. It was my mom that carted me around to them, fought with the doctors and insurance companies, and made sure I had the care I needed. There's no way with all she had to do that she could have tackled a career successfully at the same time, and I'm grateful to her for that. We have a close relationship partly due to the things I've been through.

I've gotten a closer view on the day-to-day workings of being a SAHM by watching my beloved and "filling in" for her as primary caretaker on weekends. I'm ashamed to say it, but full appreciation for what she does all day didn't kick in until we started our new schedule of me being primary caretaker on Saturday and Sunday so she can get other stuff done. After about 4 hours, I'm very tired, getting a headache and wanting to pass her off. It's not like she can even walk yet. One of the things Chris and I used to talk about was me being a SAHD. We never seriously considered it, but talked about it. I can say now, the thought of it scares me to death. I get jealous of the bond that Chris and Samantha have being home together all day, but she is patient with Samantha and making sure her needs are met each and every day. I feel a sense of guilt for saying it, but coming to work and knowing that I won't have diaper duty till the evening and feed her every 3 hours and comfort her when she's fussy 10 times a day is something I sometimes find myself looking forward to.

I hope this doesn't come across is dumping a job I don't want on my wife. I love my daughter more than anything besides Chris. But Chris is able to provide something that I'm not ready to provide at this point. So I bring home the bacon. Raising children is the most important job in the world for both mothers and fathers, and I'm glad that Samantha is able to spend the days learning from her mother. One of my friends at work said to me once, "why would you entrust the raising of your child to someone else?" I agree with this completely. Kids need a parent at home. I think the maternal instinct usually makes the mom a good match for this job.

So to all you SAHMs (and SAHDs) out there, thank you for doing an important and sometimes thankless job. I know sometimes husbands and the world don't act in a way that makes it feel like your doing something more important than having a career. But when I think of my role as a father and as a software engineer, I know the world won't remember me for being a software engineer. the chances I'll make a human-condition changing contribution to the field are very slim. I know my work as a father is what will truly help make the world a better place. Thanks for dedicating your lives to our most precious trust from above.

Thank you, modern medicine

A few weeks ago, the doctor prescribed Samantha Zantac to control reflux. This didn't really work, and she hated it. See my facebook profile for a video of the experience.

The doctor then changed her to Prevacid. And our lives have changed! We sleep at night now. Here's Samantha's new schedule:

Go to bed at 9 after drinking her Enfamil AR. We give the formula at night to reduce reflux.
Wake up at 1:30 - 4:30. Feed her another bottle of Enfamil AR.
Wake up for good at 5-7 AM.

Chris and I switch off nights. Tonight, for instance, Chris will give her a bath, get the Enfamil ready, feed her and put her down on her wedge (another prescription to control reflux.) Then she will wake up with her if she wakes up before 4:30 AM. I will wake up with her if it's after 4:30. Then tomorrow night we'll switch. Etc.

So far it's been working out great. I don't feel like I'm living in a constant haze. Mom's happier, Dad's happier, and baby is happier.

Samantha's Divine Role

I read in the August Ensign here about a woman who has the gall to go out and work to save the family's business, and prays for forgiveness for straying from her divine role.

Her divine role, maybe. But maybe not somebody elses. Thinking that every man, or every woman has a divine role identical to every other man or woman reminds me of the beginning of the movie "Antz" when the baby ants are hatching and being declared "workers" or "soldiers" and having a pick or sword put in their hand.

Proclamation on the Family notwithstanding, which I believe makes allowances for deviances to the generalities it presents, when I look at Samantha I don't see a future mother and housewife. Maybe she'll choose to be that. I mean, I really want grandkids. But what I see now is a little baby with the potential to choose her own path and find out for herself what God wants her to do. I've read the YW carriculum a bit and it seems pretty bent on pigeonholing our girls into the one officially santioned divine role. I hope that changes a bit or her teachers present the material with a more broad perspective. Either way, we'll have talks frequently about it as she grows older.

The Joker

Samantha Joy has pretty bad reflux. The doctor has us giving her a Prevacid tablet in the morning, and half a tablet at night. It's really just medicine packed in a sugar substrate. Not like adult pills. They dissolve very quickly in her mouth. I'm on duty from 4:30 AM till 7:00, so I will frequently give her the AM dose. I put the pill in, and she kept trying to push it out. Once it dissolved, she wouldn't swallow and was trying to get the spit out of her mouth. Eventually she just barfed out her mouth and nose. Yay. I cleaned her off and got Chris up and we tried again. This time we gave her half, then once she was done with that half we gave her the other half. It was messy, but most of it went down. The rest was all over her mouth. I didn't clean it off right away, and it dried. With the white around her mouth, I thought she looked like the Joker. I picked her up and sat with Chris and we laughed and laughed at the clownface she had.

Then she gave us a really big grin and beamed at us while we laughed. I felt bad that we were laughing at her misfortune when she probably thought we were playing with her.

But that smile... it melts my heart. She's got me wrapped around her finger.

Pacifier

I tried sucking on one of Samantha’s pacifiers the other day to see what was so great about it.  It was strangely comforting.  Do they make an adult size?

BIG NEWS about Samantha

OK, that was just to get you to read this. Samantha is almost 5 weeks old and is doing TERRIFIC. If she would sleep through the night, we would have the perfect baby.

So Chris and I had to work out a schedule for getting up with baby since I have work. The schedule we came up with is that on Sunday through Thursday nights, she wakes up with Samantha from 9:30 PM to 4:30 AM. I get up with her from 4:30 AM to 7:30 AM, after which I go to work. On Friday and Saturday, I get the long haul. So far it’s worked, though it’s meaning Chris has to sleep on the chair most of the night since Samantha only seems to like to sleep if she’s being held.

She is wonderful… but soooo needy.

After i got home from work today, I fed Samantha. After which I decided it would be a good idea for her to taste her first few granules of sugar… and blechhhhh! She barfed all over me. Now, a few weeks ago this would have grossed me out. But I have gained a immunity to baby barf and poop. It makes me think about what a putz Andrea Yates’s husband really was (she’s the mom that drowned her kids a few years back.) Apparently the guy NEVER had changed a diaper. I was a little scared since I had never done it either, but it’s soooo overrated. At least so far.

My Baby, a poem.

Baby, the first time I saw you

The doctor was cutting mommy open with a scalpel.

The little bits of hamburger on his hand but a hint of what to come.

"Those aren't baby kicks!" the doctor shouted above the din "It's a cauturizing device giving you shocks to move your muscles!"

The physician brought out the crowbar, and I felt a surge, knowing you would soon be in my arms.

Crying, they pulled you out into the bright cold world, purple face, blue hands, and body dripping the lifeblood of the mother.

And now I spend each day with you. And feel your soft skin.

And smell your curdled poop.

SLEEP BABY! DAMN IT, SLEEP!

Labor: Hour 35

Chris's water broke at 3:30 AM yesterday, and it's been really slow progress. I'll let you know the full story later. It's not amusing, but baby is safe and that's what's really important.
As the mothers who birthed in hospitals know, you're only supposed to have clear fluids. We've sneaked in Animal Crackers, ginger snaps and Goldfish. But we also take advantage of their popsicles and jello.

Actually, imitation jello :)

It's a gel-type dessert!

I am a god

I'm not THE God. At least I don't think.

So there I was... in the 1st floor kitchen, looking to buy a Snicker's bar. My floor, the 3rd floor, was out. The 2nd floor would only accept correct change. Thus I end up in the 1st floor kitchen.

The Snicker's in the machine cost 80 cents. I put in 4 quarters and press '1' '4' '6' to dispense a Snicker's bar. And pop! One comes out. I think to myself, "wouldn't it be cool if ANOTHER one came out?" knowing that the vending machines here will spit out another item if it senses that nothing fell to you. Well, keep in mind the first bar fell just fine. I hear 2 clinks... my change. Then POP! Another one comes out! Clink! MORE change!

I got 2 Snicker's bars and 55 cents change. Things like this don't just happen. This is miraculous.

Could one of the Snicker's have a visage of the Virgin Mary on it? We shall find out.

Baby Samantha's 32 week report

Samantha had her 32 week ultrasound yesterday, and passed with flying colors. Chris isn't taking the protein-enhanced shakes anymore, so baby appears to be growing just fine on her own. I expect things growth wise to be smooth sailing from here on out. Unfortunately, Chris is starting to get very uncomfortable. She's used to being able to do things like bend over, and I think she didn't miss having cramps. They're not bad, but they're there now. We thought they were Braxton-Hicks, but the doctor says no. However, the doctor also isn't concerned that she's having the cramps because they're not consistent.

We've made progress on the house :)

In the last week, here's some what we (well, mostly Chris) have done:

• Primed and painted the nursery
• Cleaned out the cupboards
• Carpets cleaned
• Rotted siding replaced
• Furnace filter changed
• Furnace serviced
• Bought a new sink and faucet

Geekin' out

I was a GM at a Dungeons and Dragons Game Day event on March 21st. Little did I know I would become famous...

Check me out! Look at that head of hair. You can see a hot babe sitting to my left, mostly blocked by the guy in the yellow shirt. That's Chris.

And for you, a signed picture of myself

I love politicians making buffoons of themselves. Check out http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/toby_harnden/blog/2009/04/01/barack_obamas_gift_for_the_queen_an_ipod_your_majesty.

So so far we've given England

• DVDs that don't play in their DVD players.
• An iPod.

And we got

• A SIGNED PICTURE of the queen and her husband. WOW!

What do we pay these people for again?

You Gotta Do The Best You Can

Chris and I have a nightly ritual where we sit on the couch and use our laptops. I was looking at something about the pattern for their lives members of our church (LDS) are supposed to learn from the temple. We got to discussing the concept of what it means when people tell us "you don't have to be perfect, you just have to do the best you can and Christ will make up the rest."

What? Tonight, not for the first time, but stronger than ever, this idea struck me as ridiculous. I think the best people can honestly say if they want to believe that lots of people will get to heaven is "give life an honest effort, and Christ will make up the rest."

"Ridiculous, Kevin!" I hear many of you saying. Let me explain. My thoughts on this are really not too complicated.

I never do the best I can any day. Even the days where I decide to make a better effort. I mean NEVER. There's always something at the end of the day that if I had really been trying my best I wouldn't have done, or done differently. For instance, today I was sarcastic when talking to Chris about something in the car, even though I've resolved to try to get rid of my sarcastic humor. And honesty compels me to admit that I'll slip up on it again given my track record, unless I get hit by a bus before I get the chance. If I were really doing my best and were on guard all the time, I could do it.

People just don't perform at their best though.



Here is some Homestar humor about doing your best. Be inspired. http://www.homestarrunner.com/puppets.html

28 Week Ultrasound

Today was the day of reckoning.  At our appointment today, the doctor was going to determine if Samantha was back on track growth-wise, or if we would have to plan for an early delivery.

The prognosis was excellent!  Samantha has moved from the 18th percentile to the mid 40s.  At the 20 week ultrasound, she was in the 30s.  So after a serious dip, she caught back up!  Go baby!

Here are some of the measurement comparisons.

 

24 and 28 week abdomen.  The abdomen measurement was never a problem.

24 and 28 week femur.  It was almost 5 days off before.

24 and 28 week head circumference.  This measurement was the most concerning as it was 12 days off.  The diameter was only 7 days off.  The new measurements are only a couple of days off.

So cheers to high protein, baby aspirin and folic acid supplements!

Unlike her previous appointments, baby felt like posing.  Here’s one of the 3-D ultrasounds that Chris and I liked.  Baby is curled up with both legs crossed in front of her face and feet above her head.  Were we all this flexible?

Is ice cream fun when it's a job?

When I was a kid, I loved corndogs. Then I went to college and got boxes of them from Costco to put in the freezer because they were cheap and fast. After college, it was a long time before I could appreciate corndogs again. I've had a few cycles of that. The point? Corndogs were great when I didn't HAVE to eat them.

A few weeks back, Chris's maternal fetal medicine doctor (a specialist, not the same as an OB) put Chris on a high-protein diet because baby Samantha (that's here name right now) wasn't growing like she should. From the 20th to 24th week, she went from the 30 something percentile to the 18th percentile of growth. Because of this, the doctor put Chris on a high protein diet... that meant eggs for breakfast, peanut butter for lunch, meat for dinner and an ice cream shake with a scoop of protein at night. I told Chris she might not like ice cream so much now that it was a job.

So how have things shaped up in the last 3 weeks? It's definitely a job, but her love for ice cream has not backfired as I predicted. Maybe it's because I've become so good at making a shake! See, the secret is adding about 1/4 the milk you think you should and blending it a long time. That way it is thick and smooth when done, instead of thin and smooth like most homemade shakes, or thin and milky with the blended ice cream floating at the top that's impossible to drink.

Friday we find out if these shakes are permanent for these last 3 months. I still hold out that if they are, Chris will be hating ice cream by the time this is over.

My New Blog

I decided to ditch the baggage of my old blog and start anew here. Some things that you will and won't find here:

Will

• Random musings
• Pictures
• Videos
• My views minus politics
• How cool it is to be me

Won't

• Politics. I have learned to detest all things politics and (nearly) all politicians. I am still pro voting.