I read in the August Ensign here about a woman who has the gall to go out and work to save the family's business, and prays for forgiveness for straying from her divine role.
Her divine role, maybe. But maybe not somebody elses. Thinking that every man, or every woman has a divine role identical to every other man or woman reminds me of the beginning of the movie "Antz" when the baby ants are hatching and being declared "workers" or "soldiers" and having a pick or sword put in their hand.
Proclamation on the Family notwithstanding, which I believe makes allowances for deviances to the generalities it presents, when I look at Samantha I don't see a future mother and housewife. Maybe she'll choose to be that. I mean, I really want grandkids. But what I see now is a little baby with the potential to choose her own path and find out for herself what God wants her to do. I've read the YW carriculum a bit and it seems pretty bent on pigeonholing our girls into the one officially santioned divine role. I hope that changes a bit or her teachers present the material with a more broad perspective. Either way, we'll have talks frequently about it as she grows older.
Okay, so I risk offending you, but then I know you like a good debate, right?
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with presenting those girls with the picture that motherhood is wonderful & fulfilling. What is the alternative you propose? There is a strong force at work out there. There is an idea that has permeated society that working outside the home is more fulfilling that working inside the home. The fact that a woman is not bringing in an income or earning recognition for what she does does not make it less fulfilling or less stimulating. Any job is as fulfilling or as stimulating as you make it. If you fill your life & your children's lives with fulfilling activities & wonderful people, then your life will be fulfilling & stimulating.
I know not every woman will have the same exact job description as I have. Not every woman can even have children. Not every woman can afford to stay at home with her young children. Some women feel a call to do something for the community (I am certainly the beneficiary of women who have made that choice; I have a great female ob gyn & many of my greatest teachers were women). But every woman who can have children should know that it is a wonderful job to hold and that she should do it well, no matter her circumstances. There's nothing wrong with telling the young women that they should want to me mothers & want to be good at it. The church is not a career academy; we're raising future parents. They learn about job options in college; they learn about the most important life choices at church: whether or not to be parents. And, as a father, you surely know that is a good option.
I think you'll find that we're not really that far apart Amy. Chris chose to be a SAHM for Samantha, and I encouraged it. If Samantha chooses that, I will be very proud of her. But if she feels God wants her to pursue a path of being a doctor or Egyptologist, I would also support her completely. I want her to be taught that her value comes from being one of God's daughters and the best way to show your love for Him is to treat your fellow men as you would want to be treated. Every woman should have the opportunity to be a mother. It's integral to the female experience. But it's the responsibility of each individual to follow the path that God wants them to be on.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't give up Chris staying home for anything. I'm not advocating women working in leiu of having children and being mothers.
And you don't offend me Amy. I expected to hear my friends' thoughts on the matter.
<3 to you, baby. Nothing I can really add except 'amen.'
ReplyDeleteBeing a SAHM was such a wonderful decision to make, and it made such a difference to me to have made that decision *myself,* instead of having someone else tell me that was my only option.
I truly thank God for the Feminist movement that way.
Yay, glad I didn't offend. I wish people would "argue" with me on my blog. Alas. Probably if I ever wrote about something of substance...
ReplyDeleteI was taught that being a mom was the greatest thing I could do, that it's what I should aspire to, and that once I had kids I would be failing them if I didn't stay home with them.
ReplyDeleteNow I have 4 kids and have spent almost all of that as a SAHM. And you know what? I love and adore my kids but I cannot STAND being a SAHM. Seriously. Yet I'm still so chalked full of guilt at the the thought of "not being there for my kids" that I feel stuck. So I resent it. And that makes me a pretty crappy mom sometimes. Then I feel guilty that I'm a crappy mom and failing my kids which doesn't make for being a better mom.
I wish, I wish so much, that things were taught in balance. I wish it was taught that having kids is great, but it's also really, really, really hard and that no, not every woman is going to enjoy having kids and not every woman who has kids is going to enjoy staying home with them. That it's okay to have a nontraditional family. Mom can work if she feels that's what's best for HER, not just because the family is desperate for cash. That mom can live her life and not spend her whole friggin time caretaking others. Because daycare isn't horrible and having a career isn't awful.
And you know what? I don't agree that there is a 'strong force out there' trying to get all the women in the world to work.
I want Samantha to DO WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. I want her to be presented with all options, without being told that one way is the best way to true happiness or that she's selfish for not following it, and then I want her to have the freedom to decide, without external pressure (which includes internal pressure planted there from YW) the time frame of starting a family. If she chooses to be a mother and SAHM because it makes her happy (not because it's "God's will") then WOOHOO! That's awesome that she's living her life fully. If she chooses something else because it's what will fulfill HER life, then WOOHOO!
Unfortunately I can almost guarantee the message and programming she'll get from YW. I'm very glad that she has such awesome parents to counteract that. I truly believe, Kev and Chris, that you two will do an awesome job and that Samantha will be raised to be a wonderful woman.
Amen Amy. Well said. I think our little Liberty Square click as always done a great job at arguing any and all sides of every argument. (Keep in mind I am in a pregnancy haze right now and not well-versed in the Socratic method any longer) But . . . there is black in white in some things. Here in CA there was the whole Prop 8 thing - I'll be honest, it took me a while to get on board and even then, I was not a major 'voice' I just agreed with it once I realized that, yes, marriage can and should only be between a man and woman. It can't be any other way or if it is, it can't be called marriage. Up means up. Down means down. If you want to be together, that is fine but you can't call it marriage. That is the definition. Where am I going . . . well same thing for divine role of women. Can't say I've bought into it entirely and am the 'voice' of motherhood either, yet. But . . . I am beginning to see the glimmer of what our church teaches about women's divine roles. Are there are worthy callings and roles? Yes. But, I am going to say it, being a mother is the most divine role a woman may or may not ever have the opportunity to fulfill in this life. After more kids or Samantha gets older, it will be more profound. And yet, I get your point that we shouldn't pigeonhold our young girls - but seriously, who does this? Who is only telling them that they are only good enough to be a mother and that is all they should aspire to become?
ReplyDeleteAmy, Kevin - I think we really need to get Dave's thoughts on this one as well to draw a conclusion! j/k
One more point, because believe I've had this conversation as well but have you ever noticed that when people talk about letting their girls become whatever they want and give examples they always use professional or successful occupations? Like what if my daughter wants to be a doctor or . . . whatever. No one ever says 'what if my daughter wants to be a secretary for an auto parts store or sales clerk? I bet we'd rather our daughters aspire to become mothers before those careers right? Well, anyone who has a daughter who can and wants to be a doctor or lawyer, or Egyptologist - they're gonna have it figured out anyway and know what is best for them.
Seriously, did I make any sense?
Dang I'm sad that I am behind in blog reading and didn't read this sooner. I was going to add my own commentary but I guess there is not much new I could add that hasn't been said. I teach young women's in Nigeria and the chance that any of my girls will get to stay at home is pretty tiny, but I still teach motherhood as the most imporant thing, just as priesthood is. Some days when your daughter has been awake 5 times in the night and hit her head 3 times on the coffee table I think being a brain surgeon would feel more divine and be easier, but since when is life about having the most fun and being the most enjoyable that moment? Long-term I am hoping . . .
ReplyDelete